i even stopped drinking so thanks babe 😂😂😂 not sure what i did wrong but to put phone down on me well thats not nice if it was just ugoing through shit or summat u would have said so so obviously i got it wrong I expected to see you tonight but hey this girlblows it again wish you well i wont message u again 😔 i do like you thought u liked me sadly i got it wrong good luck 

a new face…

he was too young to be giving the eye, actually pretty damn hot he was, though surely after finishing work, crossing the road it wasnt him. but, it was, sat in the large window of the takeout, obviously waiting for his meal which was joining in with the blueray and box of beers, that he’d bought through her checkout. she blushed, not only were her arms and leg now out of syn, she felt like she was stumbling not sure whether to keep going or just look directly at him. she knew he was watching her, she could feel herself redden … 

loneliness …

a good thing says that we should accept being lonely … that we should understand that it’s a normal part of being human …

unless it’s part of why I want a relationship and soon … but i have always been lonely, as a child & certainly as a teenager, then as a mom of young children & then in unhappily married state, then with a new fella but once that honeymoon period abruptly ended its all back to square one …

so perhaps if I accepted being lonely … and just went with the flow … I accepted the buddhism view that we all suffer … that i didnt let it bother me … that really  i got to enjoy being with just i … i didnt need to fight no more to ok to be just with me !


innner critic 

silence your inner critic it says … little does this article know but, i don’t have an innner critic: i have the mother  ! 

she’s never been in my corner, in fact she’s the one throwing in the towel saying i can’t do anything right !

i passed my driving test, my degree, brought four babies into the world and survived ! i work have dogs and still have the kids !  and yet all she thinks i should do is have a spotless house so i can impress any new man that i may meet !

i wouldn’t mind but it’s always what other people think that means so much to her ! take when my sister was getting married i asked her to take my youngest in his buggy to his dad in the marriage room, whilst i waiting for the bride and her bridesmaid whom was my daughter to come down the stairs, but she said no ! what will people think ?

now i must admit if she was all tartied up with a miniskirt and high heels i could understand but she looked as she was: the mother of the bride ! so in the end my youngest was pushed to my then-husband by another guest (a sort of total stranger to me)

why do people criticise others ? do they all think the world is going to act just how they want them to ? i did read once that citicism of others was a show of low self-esteem !

i have a low self-esteem but i hope i have more patience & acceptance … but my lack of it of which i know was because of being brought up to not feeling good enough EVER ! but also going through abuse: which has left me with certain traits- such as i cry and cry when criticised or feel vunerable at work ! i can’t work out how to remedy this but i do know if i concentrate of my self-worth it is easier to believe in me !

at the moment one of the things i love is comedy and i intend to start using it more and more ! the new female michael macintyre is moi … tillie flossie … on stage tonight … at the grand opera house ! and whom shall be my main character

… oh i know … the mother !!


i always get what i want …

here i am sat reading on the settee feet in fluffy slippers … yes i like my comfort ! however all i can think about is the red leather boots i have bid for on ebay … only a few minutes to go and my life could change so much … i will look so good with my new choice of jeggings … yes i am one of those who live yet again for comfort and my legs will be warm and my feet all dry … come on spring is on its way and i really need these boots for all those showers we get in the uk !  

oh my life is so going to be good 🙃