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he was too young to be giving the eye, actually pretty damn hot he was, though surely after finishing work, crossing the road it wasnt him. but, it was, sat in the large window of the takeout, obviously waiting for his meal which was joining in with the blueray and box of beers, that he’d bought through her checkout. she blushed, not only were her arms and leg now out of syn, she felt like she was stumbling not sure whether to keep going or just look directly at him. she knew he was watching her, she could feel herself redden …
a good thing says that we should accept being lonely … that we should understand that it’s a normal part of being human …
unless it’s part of why I want a relationship and soon … but i have always been lonely, as a child & certainly as a teenager, then as a mom of young children & then in unhappily married state, then with a new fella but once that honeymoon period abruptly ended its all back to square one …
so perhaps if I accepted being lonely … and just went with the flow … I accepted the buddhism view that we all suffer … that i didnt let it bother me … that really i got to enjoy being with just i … i didnt need to fight no more to ok to be just with me !
she’s never been in my corner, in fact she’s the one throwing in the towel saying i can’t do anything right !
i passed my driving test, my degree, brought four babies into the world and survived ! i work have dogs and still have the kids ! and yet all she thinks i should do is have a spotless house so i can impress any new man that i may meet !
i wouldn’t mind but it’s always what other people think that means so much to her ! take when my sister was getting married i asked her to take my youngest in his buggy to his dad in the marriage room, whilst i waiting for the bride and her bridesmaid whom was my daughter to come down the stairs, but she said no ! what will people think ?
now i must admit if she was all tartied up with a miniskirt and high heels i could understand but she looked as she was: the mother of the bride ! so in the end my youngest was pushed to my then-husband by another guest (a sort of total stranger to me)
why do people criticise others ? do they all think the world is going to act just how they want them to ? i did read once that citicism of others was a show of low self-esteem !
i have a low self-esteem but i hope i have more patience & acceptance … but my lack of it of which i know was because of being brought up to not feeling good enough EVER ! but also going through abuse: which has left me with certain traits- such as i cry and cry when criticised or feel vunerable at work ! i can’t work out how to remedy this but i do know if i concentrate of my self-worth it is easier to believe in me !
at the moment one of the things i love is comedy and i intend to start using it more and more ! the new female michael macintyre is moi … tillie flossie … on stage tonight … at the grand opera house ! and whom shall be my main character
… oh i know … the mother !!
- do training plan properly means something everyday ! be it 10 squats every pee to actually doing a full yoga session properly which means i do get to fit in my jeans well !
- eat clean 80% of the time but also have a treat if been good on a sat night
- do my 10km runs on a tuesday well
- wear makeup & do my hair enough times to look better
- have a nice tidy ‘n clean house all the time
- do enough reading both fiction & those that help me better myself
- all my bills debts & shopping monies all in good working order with plenty for spare
- a lovely holiday just what we all needed
- plenty of days out experiences trips to the beach including walking up my fave hill for a sunset view of the sea and other things to do on sundays which is a day off not just for cleaning !
- enough friends to talk to and perhaps that one special person that makes an effort
perhaps overthinking And imagining doesnt alter the furure … so whats the pointnif worrying about whar if’s? … but what happens if the energy we do put out does infact alter things ? … surely its better to be all grear positive happi thoughts ?
ps bhappi … remember it’s a choice !
Just exist … We are to succeed … To find what makes our soul sing …
We are not here to rely on others bug to find our inner strength …
It’s the truth in us … That decides if we are living the life we chose !